Contributing Columnist: +Maria Y
My article title is ironic, because without realizing it, I stepped
into the mental health world a long time ago and have rarely stepped out. I was
a moody child, and growing up I noticed mood swings in my father. I later found
that both he and his father (who died before I was born) struggled with Cyclothymia
(a softer version of Bipolar Type I).
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Maria Yaworsky lives in the Washington DC Area. She graduated with a Master’s in Psychology and worked as a mental health counselor, while living with undiagnosed Cyclothymia/Bipolar II. In 2005 she developed a chronic physical illness, and eventually got her BP successfully treated, and is now involved in activism for various causes, Mental Health being at the forefront.
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| Stepping Into the World of Mental Illness |
When I was 14 years old, I started having
mood swings that were more pronounced. They were not the full ups and downs of Bipolar
I, but they did make my life and my relationships difficult. I also
developed hormonal problems and what I later found out was Polycystic Ovary Syndrome PCOS (which
has been to found to have a correlation with Bipolar in women). I heard about actress Patti Duke’s Bipolar
Disorder. I wondered, since my swings were not as extreme as hers, could I
even be Bipolar? I asked my dad
if someone could be “a little Bipolar;” he said, “he thought that he and my
grandfather were, and that I might be too.”
He said, “he’d managed it without treatment, so I figured I should too.” I
didn’t even think there was a name to describe it.
In college things escalated; I
was treated for insomnia with antidepressants which gave me a worse hypomania [less severe mania],
and then I went way down into the lowest depression ever for me. I got therapy and it helped me manage it; I
was totally against taking meds again. I
still had the smaller mood swings I’d had before alternating with normalcy,
then every few months I would get a worse hypomania (but never reaching full
mania) and depression. Being a Psychology
major, I started doing research, and found that there was a name for what I had
called Cyclothymia. I also found
out about Bipolar II disorder, which has hypomanias and lower
depressions. I hadn’t heard of either, and I didn’t know that you could have Bipolar
II with intermittent Cyclothymia, which is what my diagnosis turned out to
be. If I had known that diagnoses such
as mine existed, maybe I would have gotten treatment earlier.
I learned to get all my schoolwork
done during my high periods so I could rest during my lower ones. I went on to
earn a Master’s Degree in Psychology and to work as a mental health
counselor for three years; I seemed to be a natural born counselor and loved my
job. I learned to hide my issues from everyone but closest friends. Having
mental health issues is frowned on for those who work in the mental health
industry. Hiding it wasn’t easy, but I managed enough and lived life based on
cycles.
In 2005, I got very
sick with Lyme disease, and almost died. This caused horrible physical
effects and a psych symptom I’d never had before; severe anxiety. I went to a
“highly recommended” psychiatrist that didn’t agree I was Bipolar (I had
finally admitted it), and kept trying to put me on meds that made me fully
manic. I stopped seeing her and got the Lyme disease treated, which got
rid of the severe anxiety. I’m now in
remission, but I live with the chronic psychical after affects every day, and I
had to go on disability and stop doing the work that I love.
After that, I finally decided to get my Bipolar treated. I found
both a good psychiatrist and a good therapist, and got lucky. Since I have my own knowledge of mental
health, I was able to advocate for myself and do research. My doctor was willing to work with me and let
me try small doses of meds first. I
reacted very well to Lamictal; it literally changed my life. I’d forgotten what
it was like to live without constant mood swings; it felt foreign at first, but
I quickly grew to like it. It also enabled me to learn to set better boundaries
with people; when you’re a counselor sometimes everyone wants you to fix their
problems.
Presently, when not writing, I spend my time involved in
activism and causes, mental health being at the forefront. I plan to write
about the mental health system, treatments, diagnoses, counseling, education, mental
health news in pop culture, and of course the spectrum of Bipolar Disorder. The mental health system is in many ways
broken, but helpful in others; experience varies widely depending on several
factors. It’s time to try and make the world of mental health a better place.
